This invaluable contribution to working with families, whether as a family therapist, clinician or parent, offers insight into how problems for families and children arise and  what can help. 

Don’t Blame the Parents explores the ubiquitous issue of blame and responsibility in families, especially of parents feeling blamed for causing or exacerbating  problems. The book examines  problems that we all encounter in family relationships, whether with children’s behaviour, marital anxiety, or not feeling like we are the effective parent that we intend to be. Blame can restrict our ability as therapists, clinicians and family members to explore family dynamics and responsibility for emerging problems in a constructive and progressive way. It can  prevent exploration of family dynamics and of finding workable options for long-term positive change and better understanding the role of the family unit.

The book draws on attachment and systemic perspectives on family therapy to support the view that parents generally intend to repeat or correct positive childhood experiences, while exploring why these intentions may become derailed. Seminal and contemporary research as well as clinical cases feature, all with an eye to fostering positive and responsible families.

“Rudi Dallos offers us a thoughtful and helpful deconstruction of the crucial ethical and therapeutic differences between blame and responsibility in family life. Drawing on his integration of trauma theory and attachment theory with systemic theory and practice, he explores the vexed questions of causality, context and intergenerational influences in the understanding and alleviation of distress in close relationships.”
Arlene Vetere, Professor of Family Therapy and Systemic Practice, VID Specialized University, Oslo, Norway