In nearly 25 years as a sports journalist for the Independent, Daily Telegraph, and The Sunday Times, Martin Johnson has covered sporting events all over the world, including cricket and tennis in Australia, golf in America, Formula One in Kuala Lumpur, boxing in Cairo, petanque in Gran Canaria, beach volleyball in Brazil, Olympics in Sydney, football in China, and rugby in South Africa.

Sounds like a nice job? You must be joking. Get the true story from sports journalism’s equivalent of Victor Meldrew. Ever tried to get a phone call out of Nagpur? Make contact with the office from Norfolk Island? Trudged several miles up a Japanese mountain to watch Britain’s No 1 woman skier plough straight through the first gate? Attempted to write a semi-coherent report after a night out with Ian Botham? Nearly frozen to death at a cricket match in New Zealand? Been hi-jacked in Moscow by a drunken Russian?

It’s hell out there, says Martin, who makes out his case for a life of hardship, deprivation, and a breathless dedication to duty in the face of overwhelming odds. Frankly, however, we still think it reads more like the Life of Riley.